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The campaign to make us suffer worked. Being pushed away from your own people hurts more because you need them more. At the time, there were no real gay role models except for Graham Norton and Jack from Dawson's Creek —and I certainly didn't identify with him because I wasn't a football player. It has to be constantly enacted or defended or collected. I keep thinking of something Paul, the software developer, told me:

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Wherever you live in the world, however big the city, the LGBTQ community is a disparate one featuring myriad different tribes. It was safe, there was no need to explain, or try to figure out the sexuality, it was fine to ask and tell, and for the first and possibly only time in my life I was not a very small minority. I didn't quite get the meaning of this until I went to a queer uni conference in Adelaide.

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So even if you manage to identify the one other single gay gay, you very well might not be each other's type.

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